Innocently me

My bed is empty,
the blue glass from this morning is still there,
the sheets are clean,
the bed is made,
my room is swept and i pretend to be okay,
I lay down on your pillow,
but i still smell you there,
i know your not there though,
even though i wish you were,
My body still feels your touch,
my lips still feel your kisses,
there not there though and i pretend to be okay,
i cover my head,
and see your face,
now i know I cant pretend to be okay,
I miss you at night,
I miss you during the day,
I miss you so much that i know im not okay,
I know ill see you another day,
I know that your still mine,
I know that you will always be,
I know ill feel your kisses again soon,
I know that you'll hug me too,
but babe,
my bed smells like you and i wish it was more than just a smell,
i wish you were really there.
i love you.
and yeah, i know i wouldnt cry this time around but its too much...i need you pretty bad.
I love you...i had alot of fun....
see you monday.

Lol, It was more complicated than cute. But when I first talked to him I knew we were meant to be..
even if i hurt him or all the crap i put him through. I knew we were meant to be. It was something about him. It was so incredible. Something I have never felt in my life til I met him.
It was an irresistable pull towards him that I had to follow no matter what would happen.
and now I'm happier than ever.
If you ever get an instinct about someone.. no matter good or bad... follow it.. Your instincts are usually right.
I love you jose carlos. Two years tommorrow..
And I know that there are so many more to come. I love you babe.



Lol.. this is the best story I have ever heard... ours.

I would love to go on a cruise with my boyfriend. to seaworld. to orlando. anywhere with him. it would be awesome.

Finally found some inspiration,
songs making me see your face in my head,
Had felt hopeless for a while,
But your love made me change my mind,
Truly knowing that you love me,
Knowing deep inside that We're meant to be,
I don't want to ever lose you,
I've never had so much emotion to give,
With just a few words you should know that you mean more than anything to me,
with just one look you should be sure,
Baby, that i'll always be yours.

ugh always happen to be nightmares.
it sucks.

lmfao.
super flu? i don't think so.

zombies? maybe.

nuclear weapons? most logical.

global warming? we're close.

meteorite? nah.

fire? definitely.

ice? I'll perish twice.

You will never read this, i know,
you will never care about the hurt you´ve caused,i know,
you will never show any concern in my success, i know,
but then why did you have me?
why did you care at first?
If your plan was to leave, all along why didnt you just think about your consequences first?
I miss you everyday since you left,
and no matter what even i say,
i need a father,
my mom is both for me,
and thats tough in a parent,
you shouldnt have left all this mess for her to clean up,
shes the most amazing woman i know,
i cant imagine why you would do what you did,
You may have your reasons,
and every one does,
you can make excuses, they just wont add up,
I was your favorite,
the epitome of a child in your eyes,
when you left all that shattered and
left us all destroyed,
I miss you but Im glad you left,
certain things i wish never happened,
but after all i do blame it all on you,
all my mistakes,
all my failures,
all the wrong things done in my life,
they will all always be your fault,
you asked for it,
your not the person i thought you to be,
and my mom HAS NEVER spoken ill of you,
but i think i have the right to,
after all not only did you abandon her,
you abandoned me as well,
it doesnt matter,
and it never will,
but i still wish that someday,
you show up and actually start to care,
thats the day ill rejet you,
so you can see how it feels,
youve taught me this sense of being,
yet i cant say ill reject you,
for i dont really know,
your my dad,
and we have always had a strong bond,
I dont think i can ever forgive you though,
you killed the child in me,
but somewday im sure you will realize that and
regret it with tears,
dad,
crying wont solve anything,
so dont waste your time,
i will talk to you someday in my future,
so dont fret,
but i bet that by the time i finish writing this,
you wont even remember my face.

m.

I'm feeling the pain,
So incredibly lonely and cold,
I don't want anyone but you,
I want you to be here holding on to me,
kissing every part of my heart,
see the sparkle in my eyes,
I'm here forever,
You're too far and the distance is the hardest test,
Lets ace it?
I don't wanna fight with you,
I don't wanna lose you,
And I don't wanna live without you,
I hate this loneliness,
but i know it will soon be gone,
I need you by my side,
So please stay and love me,
Just because, I love you.

jcd.+mrc=forever. :)

For many the meaning of eternity has rather ceased to exsist,
forever's meaning means less than a month now-a-days,
it's funny cuz you should think that by now lover's would know better than to think
just one small compromise will make another stay decades long,
truly,
anyone has the power to leave anyone else,
it all depends on will power,
to me the meaning of eternity has shifted the moment my eyes met with yours
my heart skipped a very audible beat,
cause i know you felt it too,
im sure,
im beyond positive that after all we've been through in one year,
after all those things that have happened that should slowly destroy a relationship,
ours has remained strong,
and is still going strong..
forever changed after i met you,
After i spent nights in your arms,
after you flashed me your beautiful smile over a thousand times,
My view of forever changed after I discovered that what we have is real
AND that i wouldnt trade it for anything .....
Everything did change after you ,
I recognized true love with a glance,
memorized your touch with an embrace,
and tasted desire with a soft peck of your lips,
Now I know that there is nothing more breathtaking than your love,
nothing that i adore more than those eyes,
and I WOULDNT trade anything in the world for my definition of forever
forever is you.
It's our love.


happy one year love.

Well,talking about whats making me mad is always an option,,but sometimes i feel too immature to deal with it so i just cry.
lol
i know,
lame,
but it works



but remember never to do something out of anger.
think about things before you do them and dont act on a whim,
trust me,
you'll regret it later.

Lately I have been thinking about perfection.
No,
Not for people around me to be perfect,
But just to perfect my appearance and my attitude,
But My insecurity issues and such.
I know I'm Pretty.
I know that much..but I have issues.
Sometimes I wish I had that Perfect body that girls die over..
I want it all of course to please him,cuz well,
he is the only one i try to make happy.
I'm sitting here thinking about it..and I want perfection.
I want perfection On myself simply to please him.
I haven't been thinking about the negatives,
only the positives in the relationship,
I think it's the only way the relationship will make it.
with positivity.
Because I know I love him..I know he loves me.
I trust him,I assure you that I do
I just...
I do get insecure about past events and I worry that they might happen again,
but i truly do love him.
And trust him beyond anything.
Sometimes I wish I had those little itty bitty waists and the flat tummy and a bigger ass and bigger boobs..
sometimes I wish I was just perfect.
But I cant,
and I will never be perfect.
He is for me,
I mean,
In my eyes,
he is the most perfect human being I have ever met.
Jose carlos,
baby,
you are the best thing that has ever happened to me.
I just wish I was perfect,
because I want to be the most beautiful,yet simple,
graceful,yet not eye catching,
the center of your world.

But you get me un-perfect and still love me.
I wouldnt know what to do without you.
Thanks for having me like this,
No matter how dumb I get,
I hope you now understand why I can be such a jealous bitch.
I love you with all My heart,
and I'm changing,
I promise.



Te amo.

-

Did I ever mention My favorite movie is ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND.
well,its my fave movie,
the cinematography in it is just amazing.

And i love how the actors portray their characters.

I also love the plot of the movie.
I'm watching it right now.
Clementine is awesome.
just randomly,she just met him and shes like,
I'm gonna marry you.
lol
poor joel,
I comprehend him.
But clem is one crazy bitch.

ima keep watching.
later
M

and i cant fucking sleep!!!
I have a migrane and it's cuz I cant sleep!!!!


ugh!!!!

M

And even though things aren't completely healed,
I won't feel that low again,
I know he loves me no matter what,
He has shown that and he doesn't deserve
my idiotic moments.
Yesterday He told me that I should be with someone else cuz
Apparently He made me feel like crap always,
I got so mad I just signed off and after a little while I texted
him and told him "BTW I Already have who I think is right for me."
He was like who? and I go,"you know,for a smart person you can be dumb,
You.Unless You aren't mine which would lead us to a whole different story."
And whatever.
I was in such a bad mood last night Cuz I had to go grocery shopping with my
sister,stepdad and my sister's little friend...omfg,
I don't know how I didn't strangle the living shit out of those kids.
I was so annoyed.
They usually behave and pay attention to me..
but just cuz My Stepdad was there they decided to show off,
Until that little girl decided to start treating my sister like a dog,
I just said either both of you stop acting like animals or
I'm gonna treat you like animals.
They didn't stop,I just told my step dad and he bitched them out,
and they stopped.


Then later on that Night,I took it out on Jose and he didn't deserve that.
So I apologized this morning.

Well I'll write later on if I can,
happy 4th of july!

M

When I thought I could dwell in pain,
I felt all my worries fly to my head,
Felt all my fears embrace my body,
Felt all our fights fly right up to my eyes,
I listened to the music being played,
sat back, pretending to be relaxed,
Smiling as you try to take your sweater off but failing,
Looking adorable when you're fustrated,
No amount of fights can ever make me give up,
On that drive home,
All my worries very present,
Feeling morbid enough,
and extremely quiet,
At home,
I went straight tp our room,
I lay down and turned my back on the world,
Not knowing if things were ever gonna be alright,
Holding my heart and having every opertunity to let it shatter,
All the things that could ever cross a girls mind,
All the insecurities and regrets,
Worries and fears,
pain and tears,

They all disapeared the instant you held me by the waist,
No moment ever could replace
this one,
No feeling could ever compare,
Pure innocence,
I had never been so comfortable in my life,
Never been happier,
Knowing you're the best I'll ever get & hopefully the only for the rest of our lives,
I'm the only one you need & you're the only one for me,
stay by my side love,
Because when I look in you're eyes,
I see that there is no-one else but me for you,
and you for me.
Hold me tight forever...Please.

On everything.
I don't exactly know why I'm feeling this.
But I just Don't care anymore.
I feel like crawling into a hole and never coming out.
I feel unloved and unappreciated and unworthy.
I also feel ugly and i don't wanna write anymore.
I think i will just crawl into a hole and die.


M

I've never been the seriously committed type of girl.
I had also never thought of loving someone to such an endless point
where I know I wouldn't trade places with anyone or anything.
I know how it feels to hurt and I know how to fix the pain.
But everything is so perfect at the moment,I Don't ever want it to change.
Sure,There are times when we fight,
and we lose faith in each other...but then,
By just being near one another we recover it,
I don't like being the sweet person,
And yeah,
I tend to be a bitch.
We both have very strong personalities..
and we like most of the same things.
I swear babe,
I have never felt such strong connection with someone
and it amazes me how much we share.
We all have our fears,
our hopes and our goals...
My fear is not having you.
My hopes all center around us succeeding together.
And my goals,
All evolve around you.
My axis,My center of gravity.
If it wasn't for you,
God knows I would be Nothing...
I wouldn't even be here.
I never used to give into what my heart wanted..
I realized a while back that who I really need by my side babe...has always been you.
The moment our lips touched for the very first time,
No matter how quick it was...or how troublesome..No matter
how long it took me after that to notice that you were the one for me...
That moment when our lips touched,
I knew that I would rather be the most miserable human being on this
planet,
than not spend my life with you.
Because if it ever came to us not being together..
I wouldn't make it.
Babe you are the most valuable person to me in this planet..
You are my eternal shine when everything was black.
I will always love you,
No matter what.
I can't live without you.
Your girl.
Forever.
M

3 people mean alot to me.

1.Jose
2.Mom
3.Stephy

Arms wide open,
waiting to embace,
everything about us,
that holds us straight,
wanting to be with you,
even when I'm far,
being the air in my lungs,
wrap me against your chest,
let me hear your heart,
feel your heat,
wrap your arms around me,
and hold me tight,
this is the safest place for me to be.

for JCD.
MC

Faith,Love,Hope.

Faith in what you think is real,
Believe in it and you'll see,
faith is something needed to live.
Love whomever loves you back,
because life is too short and you cant spend all your time loving someone
who wont ever love you back,
We are all fragile souls,
We tend to love those who hurt us,and hurt and ignore
those that love us,
So love when you know it's right,
have faith and be faithful,
Hope for progress in the future,
Never stop hoping that things will get better,
no matter how great they already are,
But never spend your time though,
hoping that they who don't love you will
suddenly start to,
But keep your faith set on your love and the hope toward the future,
for those three things are the ones you need most in your life,
but of those three,
cherish love the most for no greater feelings exsist than that of lovin and being loved
in return.
Mc